what a way to die: death by chainsaw

•July 31, 2013 • Leave a Comment

You know what sucks? Dying. You know what sucks even more? Dying in some sort of horrible or boring way. I mean anyone can be stabbed or shot or slip on some ice. Knowing some maniac went out of his way to give you some silly, outrageous or creative death should give you at least some comfort, right?

Plus try to think of it from the killer’s perspective you try your best to be creative and fun, but all anyone wants to do is kill you. Where’s the justification in that? I mean you’re an artist after all. That is why we here at the Brigade started ‘What a way to die.’ This week we are doing it a little differently. What happens when the tide is turned on the maniac?

This week’s death is from the Syfy sensation Sharknado. Haven’t seen it? Where in the heck have you been? This week’s what a way to die is death by Chainsaw. How much does it suck to be that shark? One minute you’re swimming around looking for some grub and the next you’re in a fricking tornado. Then you’re flying out of the tornado but at least there is a chick you can eat or at least crash into. Nope here comes Ian Ziering with a fricking chainsaw.

Monday’s Maniac: Paul Bunyan

•June 3, 2013 • Leave a Comment

You know who doesn’t get enough love? Movie maniacs that’s who doesn’t get enough love. For some of them not getting enough love as a child is what the problem is. Okay and maybe for others it was too much love as kid. That is just the sort of statement that would probably set them off. What the hell is wrong with you anyway? Today we give you one tall maniac. He’s brought to you by the movie Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan!

axe giant

Back story: Paul Bunyan was born big and was only going to get bigger. Some loggers killed his beloved friend babe the blue ox. Big mistake and they paid for it. What is the second worst thing you could do? Go messing with Babe’s grave. Some kids at a first-time offenders’ boot camp learn this the hard way.

Occupation: Logger, Giant, Crazy killer.
Appearance(s): 1
General target: Loggers, boot campers and anyone who messes with his Ox friend.
Kills: 10+
Outfit: Tattered.
Weapons: Axe.

The movie is a fun time.

what a way to die: death by Rhedosaurus

•May 8, 2013 • Leave a Comment

You know what sucks? Dying. You know what sucks even more? Dying in some sort of horrible or boring way. I mean anyone can be stabbed or shot or slip on some ice. Knowing some maniac went out of his way to give you some silly, outrageous or creative death should give you at least some comfort, right?

Plus try to think of it from the killer’s perspective you try your best to be creative and fun, but all anyone wants to do is kill you. Where’s the justification in that? I mean you’re an artist after all. That is why we here at the Brigade started ‘What a way to die.’ This week we honor special effects wizard Ray Harryhausen with What a Way to Die. 

This week we bring you a death from one of his awesome creations, The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms. Imagine you’re a cop going about your business when you come across a giant Dinosaur. You just wanted to give out tickets and nom on some donuts, but instead you’re being swallowed by a Rhedosaurus.

 

 

Rest in Peace Ray Harryhausen.

Monday’s Maniac: Werewolf Hitler, Mussolini & Hirohito

•October 15, 2012 • 1 Comment

You know who doesn’t get enough love? Movie maniacs that’s who doesn’t get enough love. For some of them not getting enough love as a child is what the problem is. Okay and maybe for others it was too much love as kid. That is just the sort of statement that would probably set them off. What the hell is wrong with you anyway? Today we give you three Monday Maniacs. They are brought to you by the movie FDR: American Badass

Back story: After getting Polio from a werewolf bite FDR goes on to become President and kick some werewolf ass.

Occupation: Evil leaders/werewolves
Appearance(s): 1
General target: Everyone, and werewolf radio operators.
Kills: at least 3 werewolf radio operators
Outfit: Typical Hitler, Mussolini & Hirohito garb. Add lots of hair and sometimes a Teppanyaki chef’s hat.
Weapons: Guns and teeth

But seriously check this movie out. It is a fun time!

Monday’s Maniac: Piranhaconda

•June 25, 2012 • Leave a Comment

You know who doesn’t get enough love? Movie maniacs that’s who doesn’t get enough love. For some of them not getting enough love as a child is what the problem is. Okay and maybe for others it was too much love as kid. That is just the sort of statement that would probably set them off. What the hell is wrong with you anyway? Today being Halloween we give you a special Maniac brought to you by the movie Piranhaconda.

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Back story: Evolution happens. This time over the years somehow a piranha has managed to mix and match with an anaconda. It likes to eat people.

Occupation: Evolutionary jump?
Appearance(s): 1
General target: Tour groups, tourist, kidnappers
Kills: 10+
Outfit: scales and teeth
Weapons: teeth

The New York Ripper review

•April 26, 2012 • 2 Comments

Title: The New York Ripper
Director: Lucio Fulci
Writer: Lucio Fulci , Gianfranco Clerici
Stars: Jack Hedley, Almanta Suska, Howard Ross
Tagline: New York City: It’s a nice place to visit, but you wouldn’t want to die there!

My Rating:

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Give it a watch especially if you have nothing better to do. Find the rating key here.

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Who you’ll see:

Lt. Fred Williams: Burnt out NYPD Detective. He likes being with a prostitute.
Fay Majors: Attacked by the ripper. Peter’s girl. Horny for him but he rejects her constantly.
Mickey Scellenda: Missing fingers on his right hand. Likes kinky sex. Thought to be the killer.
Mrs. Weissburger: First victim’s landlady. Talks a lot and likes to listen to phone calls.
Chief of Police: Lucio Fulci!
Kitty: Prostitute who Lt. Williams frequents. Gets gutted by the ripper.
Dr. Paul Davis: Likes chess. Appears to be amused by everything.
Peter Bunch: Faye’s boyfriend. Gets blasted in the face by Lt. Williams.
Dr. Lodge: Likes to listen to audio recordings of live sex shows his wife attends.
Jane Forrester Lodge: Married to Dr. Lodge. She likes live sex shows and going to seedy motels with strange men. Eventually gets killed.

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Things you need to see:

The opening credit rolls over dog with hand in its mouth.
Dead boobs 11:47
More boobs 19:00
Bottle to the crotch! 24:00
More boobs 25:00
Even more boobs. 49:00
Bloody boobs 53:30
Yes even more boobs. 1:13:00
Right through the eyeball! 1:16:00
Right to the face! 1:28:02

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What to listen for:

“Morales has silver toes.”
“Eleven people are murdered here a day and over half are women Mrs. Weissburger, goodbye.”
“Don’t worry I’ll watch the property and if anybody comes I’ll bark.”

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What The New York Ripper taught us:

When given a choice dogs will always choose to bring back a human hand over the stick you threw.
80’s New Yorkers hate women.
Being taunted by a serial killer is 100x worse when they talk like a duck.
It’s always best to bring your fancy Porsche when going to hang out at seedy places.
When running from someone you’re afraid of it’s always best to only slightly jog.
Letting strange men tie you to the bed in a shady motel is apparently a bad idea.
One should always use the hand missing fingers to do things.
Best way to learn about your boyfriend’s secret kid is right before being attacked by a killer so as to make it not seem so bad.

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What the hell is happening:

The film opens disturbingly enough with what amounts to an old man playing fetch with his dog and the body of a dead prostitute. This body turns out to be the first victim of Serial Killer. The police detective assigned to finding the psycho is Lt. Fred Williams (Jack Hedley), and he’s taking orders from Lucio Fulci himself. Fans of the director will enjoy his comical albeit brief appearance. The police get insight into the mind of serial killers from Dr. Paul Davis (Paolo Malco). Davis is a college psychology professor who just might be as creepy as the Killer himself. A killer that is running around the city “ripping” women left and right calls the police with updates and taunts. Did I mention he does this in a creepy Donald Duck voice? It doesn’t take long for the victims to start piling up. First is Cinzia De Ponti playing a young, beautiful girl taking the ferry and then, Eva (Zora Kerova), a live sex theater performer who gets hers by way of a broken bottle to the crotch.

From there we meet Fay Majors (Almanta Suska), who is taking the subway home. The only other passenger on the subway is Mickey Scallenda (Howard Ross), the same man that was in the audience at the XXX Theater when the last killing took place. He begins to move closer to her. It’s about now we are given a glimpse of that fact he is missing two fingers. She manages to escape into a theatre before he can do anything to her. She isn’t safe for long when the duck killer strikes. We see the killer’s face, and then she wakes up in the hospital.

Suddenly we see “the ripper” as he calmly walks through the hospital toward her room. It turns out to be her boyfriend Peter (Andrea Occhipinti), and it leaves the audience wondering what is real and what is not. The ante is upped by the duck sounding killer by making things personal between him and the detective after him. Hedley isn’t free from sin and he indulges himself with excessive drinking and patronizing prostitutes.

The New York Ripper is an atmospheric slasher. It pulls from the Italian giallo/slasher genre as their popularity began to fade. NYR has decent twists, turns and red herrings. The film attempts to play tricks on you, but ultimately you will probably easily figure out who is the killer. The main attractions in this film are the brutal, gory attack scenes and the more sexually explicit scenes.

Ripper, like all of Lucio Fulci’s films, is over the top with their sex and especially their gore. The gory scenes generally are tinted by the absurd situations they take place in. With NYR, Fulci takes a grittier, more realistic approach to the brutality. This is really evident in a razor blade killing where we essentially see every cut and slash. When it comes to dialogue, it really isn’t the greatest you’ll come across and the dubbing is pretty bad. If you go into it with the right mindset, you can enjoy the flick. Grab some friends and some drinks and immerse yourself in one of the master of cheese and gore’s entertaining bad movie. The ride Fulci takes you on is a fun albeit messy one.

death by girl stabbing you in crotch

•April 4, 2012 • Leave a Comment

You know what sucks? Dying. You know what sucks even more? Dying in some sort of horrible or boring way. I mean anyone can be stabbed or shot or slip on some ice. Knowing some maniac went out of his way to give you some silly, outrageous or creative death should give you at least some comfort, right?

Plus try to think of it from the killer’s perspective you try your best to be creative and fun, but all anyone wants to do is kill you. Where’s the justification in that? I mean you’re an artist after all. That is why we here at the Brigade started ‘What a way to die.’ This week’s What a Way to Die is brought to you by Battle Royale.

Last night the brigade went to see Battle Royale on the big screen. It must suck to be put in a fight to the death against your classmates (depending on your classmates I guess.) One minute on you are on your way to your class field trip. The next you wake up and you’re told you’ll be fighting to the death on a remote island.

Then you run into the girl you’ve told everyone you’ve slept with. What is the best thing to do when this happens? See if she really wants to have sex with you. When that doesn’t work? Why, threaten to rape her of course. If you DO all of this and then shoot her (sure sure accidentally) you should probably make the shot count. That is unless you enjoy being stabbed in the crotch.

For What a way to die Wednesday we present to you the death of Boy #16 Kazushi Niida.

Death by threatening to rape/accidentally shooting girl with arrow/being stabbed in crotch: