Killer Barbys vs. Dracula review

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Title:Killer Barbys vs. Dracula
Director:Jesus Franco
Writer: Jesus Franco
Stars: the killer barbys (Silvia, Billy, Muerte, Jeyper-man, and guest Bela Blasko), Enrique Sarasola, Dan Van Husen, Aldo Sambrell, Lina Romay
Rated: Unrated
Copyright: 2002
Tagline: Kiss me vampire!

My Rating:

Photobucket Not a good movie.

Other ratings and list of reviews here. No amount of garlic will stop the spoilers below!

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Who you’ll see:

The Killer Barbys: Spanish horror/rock band. They wake up Dracula who then falls for the hot lead singer. Her boyfriend gets bit.

Dr. Seward: Hates vampires, likes being world renowned. Blind

Count Dracula: Lover of rock and roll, old.

Irina von Karstein: Keeper of the Count, strict, killed by Dracula eventually

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What we learned:

Transylvanians never lie.

Dracula has a short temper.

Being part owner doesn’t mean you are in charge.

In Transylvania typical body guard garb is a Hawaiian shirt.

Dracula likes to head bang.

Music is no match for a wooden stake through the heart.

“The count” isn’t the best at interviews.

You can drink so much your blood becomes fire water.

Smaller noses are better for smelling.

Old men like to wear hats and sing.

Every concert should have either acrobats or women in lingerie dancing.

There never seems to be an audience when The Killer Barbys play.

When a strange woman with fangs shows up at your door you shouldn’t let her in.

It is best to make a comment on the blood you’ve just sucked.

The Count is way emo.

Dracula is really a toy stuffed rabbit.

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Things you need to see:

No boobs.

This is probably more entertaining than the movie—10:25

The stake is literally pulled from his chest by the music—24:00

Oh no Dracula on Dracula violence! 39:13

Spider-man Dracula bite. 1:00:43.

Was he yelling at us?—1:06:00

Boob tease. Dracula hates when we see boobs. 1:07:30

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What to listen for:

“I am the original version the real one without subtitles.”

“That’s what Hitler said and look what happened to him.”

This is how everyone should punctuate their sentences—27:00

“I had an awful childhood”–Dracula

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What happened:

This is a campy tale about Count Dracula (Enrique Sarasola) rising from the dead and tormenting a small Spanish town. The kicker is just what brings the batty bloodsucker back from what an eternal slumber? Why rock music of course. I thought old people hated loud music? Not good ole Drac, his remains happen to be on a tour of Spain at the same time the Band the Killer Barbys are.

The band meets a man claiming to be Count Dracula but really is just an old drunk. When they catch wind that the body of the real Count is nearby they wish to see it. This of course is forbidden but they manage to pull it off anyway. How? Well his casket is being held in an open storage room. Just as they fawn over the body Irina (the director of the Transylvanian tourism office) catches them and shoos them off.

The movie is interspersed with bits of the band practicing. As luck would have it one day they practice their song “Wake up” and well the music literally pulls the stake in his chest out and he heals up.

It doesn’t take long for him to get back to his blood sucking ways. It also doesn’t take long for the Count to become smitten with the rather hot lead singer Silvia. He stares at her from afar as she practices. Soon the missing becomes obvious and the resort owners call in the internationally renowned (so they tell us) vampire hunter Dr. Seward (Dan van Husen) and his nervous assistant Albinus (Carsten Frank). He has spent his whole life on Vampires and he is just the blind man for the job of ending the Count’s blood-thirsty adventures.

Yes you heard me he is blind. This is not done (or maybe it is) to heighten tension but seemingly to add even more comic relief. Seward decides the best method to capture Dracula is to be like toucan sam and follow his nose. As he “tracks” the Count feats on more than a few of the blind doctors cast mates. The list includes the faux Dracula (from earlier), Bela, an acrobot with orange hair, and both his Komrades Ivan and Irina.

Dracula just can’t stay away from Silvia and the band sticks around to do their shows despite a vampire on the loose. During a sensual performance he tries to bite Silvia. He then attacks her boyfriend in their room ruining any chance we had of boobs. Dr Seward decides to use Silvia as bait. He sends her out walking alone. Count Dracula follows, and they stake him rather easily. In an odd twist Dracula morphs into a white rabbit and hops away.

The movie is given a LOT of leeway because of the cult status given to director Jess Franco. He returns to the Killer Barbys in this flick but even the camp seems a bit lackluster. He leaves the gore behind for camp and goofy horror. The movie seems a shell of the former sexually charged horror movies Franco has produced. Good for a laugh and as a time killer.

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~ by ClevelandPoet on June 3, 2011.

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