Lure: Teen Fight Club

Photobucket Will more than likely cause head trauma.
Photobucket Not a good movie.
Photobucket Like your first sex experience. Some good but mostly bad.
PhotobucketGive it a watch. Pretty good if you have nothing better to do.
Photobucket The cream of the crop of bad movies. Watch!

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Director: Bill McAdams Jr.
Writers: Bill McAdams Jr., Jessica Sonneborn, Michael Viglietta
Rated: UR
Runtime: 93 Minutes
Stars: Jessica Sonneborn, Michael McLafferty, Ryan Bittle.
Copyright: Entertainment 7
Tagline: High School can be brutal.

My Rating:

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(There will be spoilers below!)

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Who you’ll see

Ray Ray: coon hat wearing creeper. Is beat to death by a baseball bat

Maggie/Kate: Jaded Detective goes all 21 jump street undercover.

Lauren: Poor girl

Tyler: Lauren’s brother. He gets his legs mangled.

Brittney: Rich, Queen bitch of the mean girls. Drowns in a trunk.

Brooke: The dumb girl, goes to town on Ray Ray with a bat.

Mr. Reed: Teacher, creeper who likes to watch teens fight. Gets tasered and then crashes his car into a lake.

Tina: The slut of the group.

Bobby: Tyler’s friend. Gets stabbed fondling a tied up girl.

Tommy: Cop who Maggie dumps.

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What we learned

Cheerleaders never ever take off their uniforms.
When running through scary woods never stop to tie your shoes.
Teen Dexter likes to play video games.
Never mess with a girl in field hockey.
When you stutter if you fall in love it will vanish.

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Things you need to see

Gratuitous boob shot!-11:59.
Gratuitous boob shot part 2—16:50
Gratuitous boob shot number 3!—87:00

Yeah nothing really just boob shots…

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What to listen for

Creepy Uncle joke—0:50.
“No Santa Claus stopped by for a blow job.”
Gratuitous use of movies tagline.—53:00

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What happens?

The first thing we see is three teen cheerleaders running through the dark woods. Well not running so much as sneaking through the woods at night. How do we know they’re cheerleaders? We know this because they’re wearing their uniforms of course. Why wouldn’t they be? They of course get split up and abducted.

From there we are transported to anytown America. We learn that these aren’t the only abductions just the latest in a string of them. This info is given to us by a serious police chief who lets us know the pressure is on everyone to find the culprit. To this end Detective Maggie Rawdon (Jessica Sonnerborn) will go all 21 Jump Street at the local High School. The Chief proudly gives her very own field hockey uniform and off she goes. She’ll be the new transfer student Kate.

There she meets a small group of friends. The group of course has the entire range of high school girls. We get the slut, the bitch, the ditz and the nice but poor girl. Maggie shows up the leader (slut) on the field hockey field and so incurs her wrath. After a brief fight we of course get a lengthy scene of the girls half naked in their locker room.

The group needs a ride to the big rave (yes a rave) later that night and so intends to trick Kate into taking them. She needs to keep an eye on them agrees to. As they shower or dress or something the janitor switches all their rave fliers for new ones (Dun dun dun). They take jabs at one another and snort blow while in their skivvies. The usual scathing girl dialogue associated with all movies that have high school girls as the leads. The problem is most of the time it comes off as a poor attempt at Mean Girls.

As the “girls” our leaving school we our introduced to Tommy who wants some answers. He may just blow “Kate’s” cover. He wants to know why she dumped him. Why? Well because love makes you weak of course. The rest of the girls find it very funny that the new girl as an “old” stalker. They go their separate ways.

From there Kate and Lauren (the poor girl) meet up at Lauren’s place. Here we meet her mom and her boyfriend. He drools over Kate before they leave to the bar for the night. Oh look its teenage Dexter and his buddy playing video games. As the two girls dress we get Lauren’s back-story. It turns out that she is the poor girl with a heart of gold. She also takes hand me downs from Brittney. They dress and our on their way.

The pick the other girls up (in Kate’s battered old SUV.) and make a stop at the liquor store. Here they are followed by some creepy guy. He wants to show Lauren a good time but Kate steps in and scares him off. As they leave the clerk phones someone to say “they’re on their way.”

About forty minutes into the movie and so far Bupkis. No fighting, no luring and only some teens. The group arrives where the map leads them to. Unfortunately for them it’s nothing more than a creepy field with a few cars. They are supposed to wait for a shuttle to take them to the rave but none comes. A more important problem is Brooke needs to pee. It seems the liquor it goes right through her. They wait and she goes off to pee. Then of course she falls (and screams.) Kate and the others find that they have a flat tire. She orders the other two to get in the truck and wait as she goes to look for Brooke. As she is helping her up here comes Mr. Creepy with a shovel. The other two sit terrified in the car and soon creeper #2 rises up from the back. They try to run but of course are captured. All of them are put into small cages with the other kidnapped girls. Around this point we see Lauren’s brother and his buddy driving to the rave with a map they stole from the girls. They are in for a surprise.

Meanwhile Tina and Randy (football star with a quick trigger) are on their way. They stop at the liquor store and see Tommy. He is concerned because he received a call from Maggie (Kate) that was cutoff. She used Brooke’s phone and now he can’t reach her. Tina decides they should hassle the stalker and he begs her to tell him where Kate is. She agrees to if he’ll buy her some liquor. He does and they drive him to the rave—only this is the real rave. Now we get to sit through Tina getting drunk and starting fights.

Finally there is some “teen” fight club moments as we learn the kidnapped girls are being forced to fight to the death for rich businessmen. There is drinking and betting going on. Tisk tisk. Kate is dressed up in a nighty and forced to fight an Amazon. After about two or three minutes the fight is over and Kate manages to win.

Lauren manages to escape but is picked up by a limo full of businessmen. They take her back. Kate (the new champion) must fight Brittney, and Tommy is still trying to figure out why Maggie isn’t at the rave. Eventually he of course finds a map to the other one and goes there. He rushes into save the day and soon we discover just who the man responsible for this all is. The teacher all the girls think is hot.

After a spiel about being underpaid he makes a run for it with Kate as his hostage. She escapes and he crashes into a lake. All is well except she is still jaded and afraid of love. The movie then ends with her in her bathroom at home and the bad guy staring in at her.

There really is no reason to watch this movie.

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~ by ClevelandPoet on March 13, 2011.

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