What the Hell Were You Thinking?!: It’s Probably Best to Find Somewhere Else to Dance
This week’s What the Hell Were You Thinking?! is brought to you by The Gravedancers.
My history with this film is a complex one stemming back to my days working at the Drexel Grandview Theatre. A colleague and I really had a thing for the cheesiest, most ridiculous, and worst movies that have ever been. It was about this time that I came across The Gravedancers, which was one of the continually awful “8 Films to Die For”. It wasn’t it’s title that made me gravitate towards it, it wasn’t even it’s horrible cover art depicting a computer generated looking corpse crawling out of it’s grave. Instead it was the preview for this stellar film that caught my eye. I don’t know what it was that I could possibly have been watching that had a trailer for this thing, but it was something. I honestly wasn’t even paying all that much attention until one of the characters bust forth with something close to this line after being asked what they did that night that disrupted the dead; “We just had a few drinks, did a few drugs…. danced on some graves”. You really don’t need to be a rocket scientist to realize that grave dancing is probably not a good idea.
The Gravedancers is about a group of high school friends who reunite for a funeral. None of them seem all that impressed with the service itself so they decide to break back into the graveyard after dark and send the deceased off properly, with lots of booze and partying. While there they come across an ornate arrangement with one of those black lined old fashioned funeral cards that encourages them to drink, be merry, and yes… dance on some graves. So our heroes do so, because it’s an awesome idea. I know grave dancing is one of my favorite activities. Every Saturday night. Pretty soon they all depart and head back to their respective lives. That is until strange things start occurring, and it’s clear our characters are all in peril. That’s when they go to some supernatural experts and get a few facts. Apparently, and who would have guessed, grave dancing isn’t all that respectful, and the dead are coming back to get them. And because that’s not ridiculous enough it seems that they had wandered over to the section of the cemetery that’s reserved for the hardened criminals, rapists, arsonists, child molesters, murders, you name it they danced on their graves. And somehow these supernatural experts know exactly who danced on who’s grave. But their knowledge seems to end there because even these experts have no idea what they’re up against. From there on out it’s pretty much just a race against who can defeat the dead and stay alive.
If you hadn’t guessed which part of this film is getting the award for What the Hell Were You Thinking?! for the week then I guess you’re probably not as smart as you think you are, for everyone else: What else? Who dances on graves? Who sees a creepy note lying around in a graveyard and decides to be jovial, like it says, and dance on graves. And then, if you have danced on graves and suddenly you seem to be haunted, it’s probably a good guess to imagine that the grave dancing is what pissed the spirits off in the first place. There are a lot of rules in Horror movies about how to stay alive, remain sex free, don’t show your breasts, don’t go inspecting strange noises… pretty much everything this segment is about, but I think on the top, right after not eating mystery meat from the woods, is probably dancing on graves. Don’t do it, if you do, you (like the nosers before you) deserve what you get.